by Mandy Singleton

My heart is racing the whole ride there. Short. Only 6 minutes maybe. I go to the door, my brow furrowed... "What is going on?" I scream inside my head. I knock quietly, with trepidation. He answers, beautiful as ever, looks at me with a look of what seems like disgust I will never forget and just turns back into the house, leaving the door open. Surprised and confused, I walk in to the large foyer. He sits down at the dining table. I slowly approach and take a seat.

"What's going on?", I ask, completely terrified at this point.

And then he starts. His words are soft but harsh. He said I didn't do anything. He said a lot of things I don't want to repeat.

The end is still the same.

Over.

Over.

Over.

I get up slowly. Walk out the door. Stand there for at least two minutes. Get in my car. Drive away. I make it home somehow.

And then it hits me.

It's over. Forever.

Seven years ago, the only person I've ever loved didn't want to try to love me anymore.

Six years ago on the day, I was feeling down, still acting foolishly grieved. I decided I needed a distraction and found and brought home my little cat, Angie. What a gift and blessing she has been.

I'm over it. Really. Honestly. I've grieved, obsessed, embarrassed myself, worked through and moved on. It seems like 100 years ago. And thankfully, God is merciful, wonderful, beautiful, forgiving and miraculous. What changes He has made in my life! What things are still to come for his. God is extravagant in ways I've not yet seen.

Sometimes it's not always bad to remember. Remember how things were, how I've changed, how I'm hardly the same person anymore. Remember how it felt to be so completely, unabashedly passionate for someone. Remember how it felt to be a queen. Remember how God's perfect plan for everyone sometimes requires pain and suffering. Remember how God is my Strongtower, and his, even if he doesn't know it yet. Remember how both of us have been saved, just in different ways.

"How did I love you?
There was no measuring
Far above this dirty world
Far above everything
In your tower over it
You were clean

So warm and insightful
Were you in my eyes
I was sure the rightful
Guardian of my life..."

Natalie Merchant

Single-Parent FamilyLife copyright (c) 2010.  All rights reserved.

Share Your Story Now

by Luis Duarte

My mom got married when she was fifteen years old and she had a baby every two or three years, so by the time I was born she was 48 years old. And you can imagine the generational gap between my parents and me. As I was growing up I did not feel much love from my parents or from my siblings.

We were a big family but everybody around me seemed so busy that I always felt lonely or annoyed by my brothers and sisters. I spent a lot of time thinking about every bad memory I had from every one of my 6 brothers or my 4 sisters, about the several times they made me feel rejected and useless or the many times my dad insult me when he was drunk. I grew up with a strong desire of being part of another family in another place.

By the time I was a teenager I was living in a bubble of hate and resentment. Grudges and hard feelings were in my mind all the time. I was trying so hard to win the approval of my family but nothing seemed to work. All I cared about it was their opinion. Their opinion was the center of my life and it seemed to change on a daily basis, so my emotions and my feelings. The ups and downs, the mountains and the valleys marked my life. My life was a roller coaster. I grew weary and tired and became frustrated to the point that I stopped trying; I stopped caring.

When I was 15 years old I took refuge in reading. At the beginning it was any book size that I can read in a week or so. One day I was looking for a new book to read and I came across this book that I don˙t think I ever so before. I knew about this book but I don˙t recall seen it before. It was a New Testament and I decided to read it. I did not have any expectations or had any interest in learning about a particular topic. To me reading was entertaining; it was my refuge or my escape. Reading kept my mind away from my family.

When I read it I learned about a different kind of love; the love of God that reached out to my in the sacrifice of Jesus. I was convicted, I felt the need of repentance and I learned about God Acceptance of me as I was and I also learned that God have a purpose for me and that I could be useful by serving others regardless of their approval. I also learned that the emptiness of my life could be filled with Jesus.

The opinion of my family or their approval was no longer the center of my life. Jesus became the center of my life on November 29, 1981 and He has been there for me.

Jesus was the center of my life I lost my parents. Jesus was the center of my life when I lost my job, when I open my busyness, when I closed down or sold busyness. Jesus was the center of my life when my children were born, when my son needed surgery.

When my world ended as I knew it and every thing was falling apart. When I had to leave church, family and friends behind to relocate to a different country, different culture and different language, when I had to face the unknown I learned that Jesus is the center of my life anywhere, anytime and under any circumstances.

When my marriage felt apart and we became a single parent family I knew Jesus was still the center of my life and He will carry me on. Since Jesus is the center of my life it don˙t really matter what life has thrown at me. I had become resilient and strong. In Jesus I keep pressing on.
Single-Parent FamilyLife copyright (c) 2010.  All rights reserved.

Share Your Story Now