Love others well, just as God does.
Love doesn’t cause another to sin (Luke 17:1-2; I Cor. 8:9-13). Love considers the interests of others (Phil. 2:4). Love rejoices in truth (I Cor. 13: 6). Love encourages spiritual growth (Heb. 12:25). Agape love is unconditional, affirming love. Read Paul’s incredible definition of agape in I Cor. 13.

Stay connected to your support network
Many people want to simply find "the one.’" We need community. We have too many needs for one person to meet. Get connected, and stay connected.

Stay away from verbal foreplay early on in the relationship.
These conversations can become the central focus of your interactions, making it harder to experience other parts of your relationship.

Spend more time courting in person rather than by email or phone.
Electronic communication has an aspect of anonymity and safety. It allows for a false sense of closeness. If this is your primary mode of communication, you may feel awkward with each other in person.

Be yourself at all times.
Be clear about who you are and what you want.

Be clear from the start how you want to be treated.
It is better to know sooner how a person will respond to your boundaries and standards.

Accept your new partner as he or she is or don't engage in the relationship.
If a certain behavior bothers you but does not bother him or her, you can be sure that this behavior will continue. Accept your new partner now, rather than hoping for change, or get out.

Never expect another person to fulfill all your needs and make your life a dream come true.
You and you alone, are responsible for your needs. Other people cannot "make" us happy. If you're expecting a partner to provide you with those things, chances are you're feeling rather disappointed in others on a regular basis.

Be willing to be vulnerable and take risks in your relationships.
Playing it safe, hiding your real feelings and thoughts, refusing to show you're human—may be self-protective, but they prevent us from experiencing the true joy of being in healthy relationships.

Discover old relationship patterns.
If your past relationships have not worked out, you are at least 50% responsible. If you don't see clearly what you did to end those relationships, you are powerless to do relationships differently. We tend to pick the same types of partners over and over.

Replace your old ineffective patterns.
Most “dating” is false-self dating and will never meet your intimacy needs. Changing old patterns sounds harder than it really is. Deal with your resistance to change first. Then remember that relationships are God’s way of meeting our intimacy needs. Relating out our fullness allows us to be vulnerable and self-disclosing. New patterns of relating should include the following:

• Seeing people for who they are and not for whom you want them to be.
• Recognizing your attraction to people, understanding what you are attracted to in them and realizing that you have a choice.
• Knowing what you need and being able to assess if a potential partner is able and willing to meet your needs.
• Knowing and respecting your boundaries and communicating when they are crossed; being able to respect the boundaries of another.
• Being clear about your definition of an ideal relationship and being able to assess if a potential partner has the capacity to co-create that kind of relationship with you.
• Having a strong community and support network and a satisfying social life, one where your needs for companionship are well met.

Tell a potential partner what you want from the outset.
Share your expectations, your values, your passions and your boundaries. Great relationships involve people who share similar goals, values and expectations. Staying in relationships where these values and goals are not shared almost always ends in disaster.

Maintain your limits.
Even the best partners will inevitably do some things that will not be “OK” with you. If you say nothing, your partner will not know that his or her behavior is affecting you negatively. This will inevitably lead to unhealthy relationship patterns. Limits keep us healthy because they re-iterate our values. Boundaries also greatly enhance your ability to select the right partner. Healthy partners will respect our limits. The wrong partner will cross your boundaries fairly early into the relationship.

Practice sexual stewardship.
It is normal to experience sexual desire and even arousal. These sensations are not sinful. These are physiological responses created by God. However part of God’s design was that sexuality would not achieve full expression until marriage. Know your sexual boundaries before you begin a relationship. Respect and honor the boundaries of a partner. Address the issue up front in your relationship. Covenant to abstain from sex until after marriage. Have your support network hold you accountable (Prov. 27:17). Keep affection appropriate. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5 to not let our love turn to lust.

Discern “emotionally” available partners.
You can learn to recognize whether a potential partner a partner will be emotionally available by listening and observing. They will communicate clearly who they are and what they are looking for. For example, if a person says he is not interested in a committed relationship, and you know you are, then he is not “available enough.” If she says she loves her life working 80-hour weeks, while you want someone with you every night, she is not “available enough.”

“Used with permission of in step ministries, instepministries.com. Copyright (c) 2009 by instepministries.com.  All rights reserved.”