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Parenting Alone
Every parent wants to one day say, “I am very proud of my son/daughter.” We want to watch our children graduate high school with honors, as the star athlete, and then move on to college. We want them to become doctors and marry the perfect person. We envision the very best for our children, far more than we ever had. Even if you provide the best parenting you possibly can, there is no guarantee that your child will become all those things. We do, however, want to do our part in encouraging our children to achieve their best. “She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing to laziness. Her children stand and bless her.” Proverbs 31:27-28 (NLT). Oh, to hear my children stand and bless me one day! As a teenage mother with two children under the age of two, I often found myself in the middle of my bedroom closet, crying. I had no idea how to effectively parent. I had never been taught to budget or manage a household. Many times, I didn't know where our next meal was coming from much less what appropriate move to make on discipline. I was overwhelmed. Thankfully, it got better. My kids grew older and I like to think that I grew wiser. There are three main areas that single parents struggle with in parenting their children:
Overindulging our children is far too common a problem. Mom wants her child to be happy. She wants to do everything in her power to make that happen. Oftentimes, she feels guilty that somehowit may be her fault that Dad does not live in the home with them, so she caters to the child's every whim. In my years of counseling, I have seen many single mothers come to me in desperate need of financial assistance. Perhaps, her rent has come due or utilities are threatened to be turned off. Yet,she still feels that she has to buy little Johnny the expensive electronic equipment or the latest name-brand fashions. As a result, you become the ATM, not the parent. Your children look to you to only satisfy their material wants, not provide them wise counsel. There are several reasons single parents fail to discipline their children. Exhaustion comes to mind. After carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders all day, the last thing you want to do is deal with poor behavior. As a single parent, it is also easy to avoid discipline for fear of being the constant “bad guy.” Because you do not have the luxury of a second parent in the home, you are left to handle all discipline alone. Finally, I've found that many parents are not sure exactly how to discipline, so they simply do nothing. Your child craves structure and discipline from a very young age. Anything less leads to rowdy, disrespectful children. You give your child the gift of love, security, and belonging, when you discipline, and that is what true love is all about. Lastly, as parents, we must always be careful about negatively impacting our children's character. The old adage, “Don't do as I do. Do as I say do,” simply does not hold true. After years of watching my own father is sexual immorality, is it any wonder that I began that same pattern? Parents, it is not good enough to merely tell your children not to engage in certain activities, you must be an example. There is a simple question that always seems to hold true when parenting, “Would I want my child to be doing what I am doing right now? Would I be embarrassed if they knew?” Do not think that your young child doesn't notice “Mr. Bobby” spending the night. He does. They notice the beer in your hand or the inappropriate language or the little white lie you told. As a single parent, the life you lead now may not be the one you always envisioned for you or your child. That is okay. Embrace where you are right now. Enjoy your children. Enjoy who God made you to be and trust that you have been given these children to raise, because God knows you can do it and do it well. “Used with permission by Jennifer Maggio. Copyright (c) 2010 The Life of a Single Mom. www.thelifeofasinglemom.com. All rights reserved.”
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