Single-parents are a family
“Singleness” is not their primary identity. Most single-parents struggle more with parenting issues than single adult issues. We must recognize and acknowledge the family aspect of single parenting and develop programs and interfaces that will help them to be the most effective parents they can be. Consequently, we want to integrate them into every aspect of church life.

Overcoming stereotypes (myths)
• The typical “single adult" is a never-married individual, without children—(This overlooks those who are separated, divorced or widowed).
• Single adults are unreliable, irresponsible, immature and spoiled. (Single parents are the hardest workers we know).
• Single events or even Sunday School classes are simply social clubs or “meat markets”. (Single parents are looking for places to connect and feel welcome).
• Single adults and single-parents cannot serve the church or community. (God has gifted every one of us for service)

Healthy mentoring
Single parents do not want to be seen as broken and in need of fixing. They want and need a helping hand, not a handout. They are isolated and overwhelmed and need friendship and fellowship. If a single parent needs support, we can connect them to mentoring friendships—or involve them in parent support groups made up of both singles and couples.

Integrate single parents with couples
We must connect single parents to the body; they should not be singled out or isolated. Programs, events, etc. should focus on connection, not partitioning or isolation. Single parents don’t need to be quarantined.

Be sensitive to their pain
Death, separation, divorce, abandonment, etc. have a huge impact on single parents. Issues such as trust, guilt, shame, anger, bitterness, loneliness, or fear are common. Grieving and healing-for both adults and children- takes time.

Financial pressures
Single parents need assistance from time to time and help with financial management. We must not patronize, enable or parent them.

Terminology
We must become sensitive to “family friendly” terms that might shame or separate. “Father/son” or “mother/daughter” can be hard words to fatherless or motherless children and their single parents. Using more inclusive terms can soften that emotional blow, and be less exclusive or shaming.

Sensitivity and awareness of custody arrangements
There are legal issues involved, as well as logistical issues such as attendance at events, permission slips or which parent to call in the case of a medical emergency. Friday nights and Sunday nights are often transition times for children and hectic or stressful times for single parents.

Acknowledgement
We can affirm single-parents publicly. Say kind things about them to their kids—they don't have another parent in their homes to encourage them. Many single parents feel overwhelmed and under-appreciated.

Paraclete ministry
We can come alongside their children. We have an opportunity to be a significant voice in the life and development of a young person. The children of single parents need someone trustworthy to look up to as they try to sort out their own gender issues without the benefit of both parents. We must also model healthy relationships and marriages to children (and adults) who may no longer believe in “happily ever after.” Single parents want more than just “childcare” for their children at church. They want a program that reaches them too.

Sounding board ministry
Single parents have unique issues with their children. They need people to really listen and care as they vent their emotions or seek input. They don't have spouses with whom to share the journey and are looking for people who are genuinely interested in their sons or daughters and willing to be part of the conversation.

They have some unique issues
Finances, childcare, transportation, meal; preparation, home and care repairs, doctor visits, friendships, no time for self, overload, children’s activities, etc.

Church as family
The promise of Scripture is that God will be “father to the fatherless, “defender of widow” and will set the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6). James reminds us that authentic faith calls for us to care for widows and orphans (today’s single-parent homes). Our churches must be part of the family system that God is providing the single parents in our care. We can start by affirming single parents as legitimate, contributing members of that family.

Ministry Principles

Be practical
Make ministry simple, easy and affordable. Start small. Focus on kids. Feed them. Provide transportation. Meet physical needs.

Provide training
How to understand the needs and care for the divorced, separated, widowed and single-parent families in your congregation and community.

Separate recovery from single-parent family ministry
Not all single parents are in crisis; mistake to assume that every single parent is in dire need of recovery classes and healing. While you want to offer programs such as DivorceCare and other grief recovery classes, it is important to separate that from your single-parent ministry.

Encourage purpose
• Single parents need to know that they have purpose. Even if life hasn’t gone according to plan, they have a tremendous amount to give. They’ve grieved some type of loss, they’ve learned to cope financially, and they’ve dealt with diapers and temper tantrums. They’ve fixed plumbing and put together toys with too many parts. In the midst of their survival, they have gained skills that can make a difference in the lives of others.
• Point out the unique strengths that single parenting can develop. Take your class through a course on purpose and passion; help them discover how God has equipped them. Be passionate. Be enthusiastic. Remind them of their value and watch what God does.

Invite participation
• Start small, but encourage single parents in your community to get involved. Allow them to include the children, but invite them to participate.
• Don’t assume parents should be left alone, that they have too much on their plate. They also have a God-given need to use their gifts to help others. Help them start this process by extending the invitation.

Focus on service
• The best way to build a healthy ministry group is to serve someone else in need.
• Volunteer service will build a sense of purpose and joy in the single-parent community but it will also give the children a solid example of how important it is to give to the world around them.
• Purpose and service are vital to a healthy single-parent family ministry.

How to Begin to Minister to Single Parents?
The first step is prayer-that God would give us a healthy vision of connecting to and caring for this courageous group of people.
• Broaden the definition of single adult to include those never married, separated, divorced, widowed as well as single parents of all ages.
• Use language that appeals to the unmarried adult who may not identify with the term family. For example, call “Family Night Supper” Church Fellowship Supper instead.
• Compile a list of unmarried adults, taking a needs and interest survey to better understand actions your church can take to involve and minister with single people.
• Develop focus groups to determine needs.
• Use pulpit illustrations that are single-friendly and not only applicable to traditional families.
• Provide training for staff on how to understand the needs of single-parents and how to care for the divorced, separated, widowed and single parent families in your congregation and community.
•Help single adults discover their spiritual gifts and find places of service in the body.
•Find ways to interface with the single adults in your community. The majority are unchurched.
•Recognize the contributions of singles in your church.
•Create fellowship and connection opportunities.