The type of judgment I will be addressing in this week’s topic, is judgment made by a fellow human being based on mere appearances. Some of you might of felt judged by others based on your current situation. I myself felt judged multiple times by others as a single mom. Do you feel judged because you’re a single mom? Or do you feel judged period, by others on many different levels?

I’ve yet to meet anyone who has never judged or someone who enjoys being judged by another individual. Let’s be real, it hurts. Self protection is usually our first weapon. There are usually two game plays; either we play the defensive card or the attacking card. And neither card gives light (gives answers) to that pain you feel inside. It simply imprisons us even more. At that moment our reaction is to protect ourselves from further hurt; but what we end up doing is shoving the pain deeper inside, instead of seeking help to remove it.

But why do I, you, we, single moms feel judged? One thing I discover, going through this process is that my number one judge is myself. I was my own mirror, I simply reflect on others what was already inside. Every situation, conflict and argument, are opportunities that reveal the state of our heart, especially the bad and the ugly ones. Your reactions are your biggest clues. How you react to a situation, a conflict or judgement reveals your own beliefs towards yourself. For example if you feel ashamed because you are a single mom or for any other reason, most likely there’s shame already inside.

These situations expose roots of anger, shame, self-pity, low self-esteem, pride, feelings of inferiority, etc. And it must be cut from the root; or it will be like a tape on replay, same reaction every time, no matter the person or the location.

Now that I’ve become just a little (just a little) bit more mature, I always ask myself these two questions when a situation occurs: 1) how did it made me feel? And 2) what was my reaction when it happened? The answer to these two questions will reveal how I feel about myself. Try it, you’ll see, it does not lie.

Once these two questions are answered, the third question to ask is: where does it come from? Most of the time, it’s from a lie that you believe about yourself. A lady told me once ‘if your hard on yourself, you’ll be hard on others” and the words impact me still to this day. It taught me to look first at myself, because the way I treat myself will be the way I treat others. If I judged myself, I will also judge others.

This week’s suggestion

Going through (still going through) this process led me to resources that better equipped me, so today I can share my heart with you. That is why I believe very strongly, that every struggle that you face or that you’ve gone through was not in vain. When you get out of it, you can point someone else to a solution.

“Used with permission of One Stop Single Mom. Copyright (c) 2010 by onestopsinglemom.com. All rights reserved.”

Comments:

Robin said... I love the quote, "If you're hard on yourself, you'll be hard on others." That's so true. July 14, 2010 12:44 PM

Josie said... I admire and respect your position as well as agree with you to a degree. I have been a single mom for 13yrs and worked in full time ministry, in two very large Christian organizations, for 4 years. There are strong prejudices and fears towards single moms in both Christian culture and the secular world. (Please note I refer to single mom as one who was either divorced or abandoned not widowed)

In the Christian culture there are many obstacles not having a husband due to divorce. My children and I have seen more than I would have liked in the Christian culture. The most heart breaking came from a church where I began to invite single moms to hear the word of God. I was asked to find another church that was more accommodating to single moms and to make sure I withdrew my children from youth group and their friends. That is just one instance out of many.

In the secular world, if a single mom commits herself to Christ and lives counter culture, then there are severe struggles both culturally and judicially. For example, I changed my lifestyle to raise my children in a Godly home by establishing healthy boundaries, I was told by the residing judge in a post divorce hearing that I was brainwashing my children and I have no authority to tell my children what is right, the court has the authority and will tell me what is right for my children. I know of another single mom who professed her faith in Jesus and the judge awarded her two children to her abusive ex-husband because of her radical ideas.

So many single moms come from dysfunctional and often abusive situations where looking at our faults can easily be obtained and lead us into an abyss. Therefore I believe we need to edify each other with encouragement of how precious we are in God˙s eyes and focus on the beautiful women God created us to be. Once we get a taste of God˙s precious love for us, God will begin to reveal to us through revelation of His Word and His Spirit the lies of the enemies and why we believe them. We need to define ourselves in Christ and no one else!

Single moms who love Jesus often find themselves on a lonely road. Not fitting in their old life and often times not fitting into their new life. So I greatly appreciate this powerful tool of Single Parent FamilyLife to draw sisters running the race and fighting the fight together.
July 14, 2010 7:50 PM