“How are you?” My brother’s question was rooted in common courtesy and he expected the customary, “Fine thanks, and you?”
After 20 years of marriage, my children and I returned home one evening to an empty house. He had left. Deep in despair, I verbally lashed out. To anyone that would listen. Like Eve who blamed the serpent, and Adam who blamed Eve and God, “the woman You gave me,” I was a strong contender in the blame game.
From job loss to the loss of a loved one, everyone has experienced unfair treatment or life-changing crisis. It is normal to grieve our loss, but blame is self-inflicted and crippling. Whether I blamed my spouse, my parents, the other woman, the church, the government, or myself, blame kept me cemented in the same spot. Bitter and contentious.
It was time for a simple shift. One action I could incorporate by noon. An adjustment that reaps a lifetime of benefits. Surprisingly, this step also helped me look more beautiful—inside and out. Even my posture improved. For the sake of myself and those around me, I stopped playing the blame game.
Rules of the Game
Blame cripples only one person. Me. That other person is not wringing his hands because I am convinced that my circumstances are his fault. Everyone else is living life while I resemble Winnie the Pooh’s gloomy, gray, albeit cute, friend Eeyore.
Does that mean the person that hurt you or me is not responsible for his behavior? That we were not treated abysmally? Certainly not. The hurt, pain, betrayal, and devastation are real. Fact. However, by playing the blame game, those facts became my excuses for not moving forward. My marriage failed but I was not a failure until I blamed someone else.
People made choices. I made choices. Some of those choices made a Mt. Everest–sized impact on my life and the life of my children.
What choices was I going to make today?
Game Over
Giving up my hope for a better past, I faced the present and began to make choices that move life forward.
It happened.
Now what?
As a previous high-scorer in the blame game, I implemented a checkpoint to keep me focused. Do I regularly offer excuses? If I am late and blame my tardiness on the kids, the dog, or the traffic, I am blaming someone or something else for my situation. The only person who believes my excuse is me. Without cumbersome excuses, my days and relationships streamlined. My conversations improved. People are attracted to those who fully live life without excuses.
Today when someone asks how I am doing, I can say I am well and moving forward.
“Used with permission of PeggySue Wells. The mother of seven children, PeggySue Wells is a speaker and the author of a dozen books including
What To Do When You’re Scared To Death, and Rediscovering Your Happily Ever After
Contact her at www.PeggySue Wells.com. Copyright (c) 2011. All rights reserved.”
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