Despite what you may have been led to believe, our culture is more than a little off base with its marginalization of men as parents. The suggestion that men are incapable of loving and nurturing their kids is silly yet it has insinuated itself onto our collective hard drive. It acts like a Trojan Horse computer virus that spreads just below our consciousness level. But be clear about this - your role as a dad is invaluable and fills a unique and vital niche in the lives of your children that no one else can occupy.
Let's do some anti-virus housecleaning. Here is a three-step program that can free up some space on your hard drive to use for better things:
1) Dwell on the blessings while facing the challenges. Whether you have primary custody of your children or not, many dads find themselves with more individual time with their kids than before the breakup of the family.
2) Act as a mentor at all times. Your actions are the textbook for their lives much more than your words. Being a mentor is as simple as striving to do the right thing – even when it costs you. Whether you want it or not, you are a role model. You must act as though they are watching your every move. Because they are.
3) Don’t despair. Your success as a dad will be determined in the end by how well your children are equipped to face life’s challenges. Let your commitment to be the best dad possible define you. (Keep that in mind when struggling to learn how to braid a little girl’s hair. “Look what my daddy did!” is a priceless payoff.)
On some level, kids are aware that they are one half you. All of their lives they’ve heard things like, “You have your daddy’s eyes”, or, ”You laugh just like your dad”. Looking at it from their point of view, wanting to be just like dad isn’t an aspiration, it’s an inner drive. Boys and girls experience this in different ways, to be sure, but the ways in which we handle things suggest to them how they will react to challenges. If they see good examples from us, they will try to live up to them. On the other hand, less than good behavior causes them to question their own abilities to handle things the right way.
Anyone can be a father but children who have dads have a better chance at success in life. You know you’d give your life for them – so give your life for them. You are that important. Don’t let anything convince you otherwise, Dad!
Tom and Helen Wheeler
“Used with permission of Tom Wheeler Founders of Changing Families. For more information go to www.changingfamilies.com. Copyright (c) 2011. All rights reserved.” |
