Single Parent FamilyLife - A grip on grief How to help children cope with loss

You Are Building a Legacy!
By Moe and Paige Becnel

> Have you ever thought about your ability to leave a legacy, or even that you will leave one?
> Do you know what a legacy is?
> Do you understand the importance of a legacy in your children’s life?

Webster defines legacy as:
A particular thing or certain sum of money given by last will or testament;
Anything handed down by an ancestor or predecessor.

According to the second definition, we will all leave a legacy --- it is impossible to not leave a legacy! However, not all legacies are good.
What many people are not conscious of is that everyone will leave a legacy to their children and grandchildren – whether good or bad.
The legacy we leave our children will influence their life. Often based on our legacy, our children will leave a legacy to our grandchildren. Your legacy will either be a blessing or a curse to them. Our children observe what we say, do, and watch, who we are friends with and what we participate in. They also observe the relationship we have with God.

How Will You Be Remembered?
At your funeral, how will people remember you?
What traits did you display?
Were those traits the same in and out of your home, or were you different in public than at home?
In thinking of the legacies left by some people, we came up with a list of a few potential legacies:

a winner, or a quitter
a person who takes care of others, or a self-centered life
a life of great achievements, or a life with no ambition and goals
money and great wealth, or extreme debt from poor money management
a successful business person, or a job hopper
a life of peace and self-confidence, or a life of fear, worry and anxiety
a God-centered home, or a self-centered life - independent of God
a person of encouraging words, or a person of gossip
a life directed by God’s principles, or by man’s principles, or by alcoholism, drug abuse or pornography
a person who loved family time, or a person devoted to work
a life based on honesty, or a life of dishonesty or even illegal ventures
a loving mother and father, or a parent who abandoned a spouse and child
a loving family environment that will last a lifetime, or a life of quitting relationships when they get tough
a happy home, or a broken home leading to a long distance relationship due to divorce and custody arrangements

Do some of these closely describe the legacy you are leaving? If so, were they positive or negative legacies?

Your Everyday Decisions
Realize this --- your everyday decisions and actions add up and eventually determine the legacy you leave your children and grandchildren. And what you do not stand against, you effectively say it’s OK.

We (Moe & Paige) have learned that by accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord of our life, a whole world of blessing and purpose has opened up to us. God takes very good care of His children!
One of our favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 in which God says,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Yes, God has plans for our life, and He has plans for your life, too. And His plans are very detailed. God has a plan for your new family.
He wants your family to become a loving, safe-haven for all family members, and to follow the example of His Son Jesus, serving each other in a great way. He also wants your marriage to last a lifetime. As you seek and walk in God’s plan for your life, you build a God-ordained legacy for your children and grandchildren.

When Moe experienced divorce, he felt as though he had failed his children. As his visitation was set at three weekends each month, that gave him six days each month to try to raise and influence his children. He struggled with the fact that he had lost the ability to raise them. He felt his parenting ability had been taken from him.

But God always has a promise to meet our needs and concerns. Moe found a promise from God in Isaiah 54:13. It says, “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.”

(All of Isaiah 54 is awesome!) Wow! In the absence from his children, God steps in and raises them Himself by His Holy Spirit.
As a result, our children turned out to be well behaved and obedient. We know that it is God’s Spirit who had such a positive affect on them. After all, all we had to offer was a broken home, and hurts.

God’s Plan
So what is God’s plan for your blended family? What legacy does God want you to leave? He desires your family to stop being a “step” family, to grow in love, to honor and respect each other, to be a place where all members are completely accepted, and to provide physical, emotional and Spiritual guidance.
More than anything, you and your spouse need to develop a role model of a true, loving family for your children. If you do not value family, neither will your children.

From our divorces, our children only knew of brokenness, of arguing, and of selfishness. They found out that their feelings did not matter to at least one of their parent’s decisions to divorce.

You see, God hates divorce, and He is deeply interested in seeing your marriage last a lifetime. It is our responsibility to break the cycle of divorce in our lives and our children’s lives. We have a great opportunity to leave our children a great legacy! That legacy is that marriage and family is of utmost importance, and divorce is not an option. All problems in a family can be solved - the solutions come when we start serving each other and stop being selfish. Solutions to our problems are discovered in our prayer time with God. He will show you how to respond to every situation.

A great scripture that sums up what we are talking about is found in Proverbs 20: 7. It says,
“The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.”

Do not let the word – “righteous” intimidate you. Righteous simply means “right choices!”

Being Intentional
We must be intentional in developing a legacy worth having. It will not just happen.

Love your spouse and children – give them your time, encourage them, listen to them, extend forgiveness, extend grace.
Pray for your spouse and children everyday – for protection, health, acceptance, favor with others, for the friends they choose, for their future, and their future spouses.
Teach your children to serve others. Regularly visit a nursing home, or a friend in the hospital, or help someone move - and bring your children with you.
Help your children to find God’s plan for their life. Take them to church. Establish a high moral standard in your home, with high expectations.

We pray that everyone who reads this article will get a revelation that they control the legacy that they will leave. Each day we plant seeds in life that become our harvest. We need to be sure we plant good seeds, and not weeds, so that our life might be full.