Divorce is DEATH of a Relationship
By Moe and Paige Becnel

Many have said that divorce is sin.  We cannot find in the Bible where God says divorce is sin.  But God’s Word DOES say, “I (God) hate divorce.”  And the Becnel’s hate divorce too, because divorce in their lives have ripped them and their children apart.  And the healing process is long and arduous.

We compare divorce to death from a terminal illness.  (i.e. divorce is the death of a relationship.)  We believe that what caused the death (the illness(s)) are the sins. 

Why do we say that?  If you have not noticed, God is all about relationships.  All 10 Commandments are about relationships – life long relationships.  It is what God cares about the most.  When we damage relationships – especially to the point of no return – we go against God’s heart.

Common illnesses
Some common illnesses (SINS) that cause the DEATH of a relationship are:

• Verbal abuse                                       
• Physical abuse
• Betrayal                                              
• Unfaithfulness
• Sarcasm                                             
• Criticism
• Emotional responses                            
• Anger
• Disrespect                                           
• Do not value spouse as equal
• “Your way” or no way                        
• Idolizing your opinion
• Lack of God                                         
• Non-supportive of spouse
• Putting children over spouse                   
• Two lives – no common goals
• Non-acceptance of spouse’s children

What you say to yourself about your spouse and their children advances, or cripples your relationship.  It either leads you and your relationship to fulfillment or discontentment.

See your marriage as:

1. Ordained by God.  Your spouse is God’s gift to you.  Every family member is highly valued by God, so much so that He sacrificed His Son Jesus to pay for our sins so we can be back in relationship with God our Father.  We need to remind ourselves regularly just how valuable they are.

1. An opportunity to serve more of God’s children (your spouse and their children).  You cannot serve the world until you can serve your own home.

1. A TEAM.  You can be a winning team IF you look at and work with each other’s strengths and IGNORE the weaknesses.  We all have faults.  God looks past our faults and sees our potential.  We need to do the same with our spouse and all of our children.

1. Fragile.  Relationships are fragile because people are fragile.  You are fragile – you have feelings and you get hurt.  So do each of your family members.  We need to go OUT OF OUR WAY to protect the hearts of our family members.  Harsh words, down-talking, and name calling need to be replaced by grace, encouragement, calmness, and kindness.

When needed, forgiveness is a key & required ingredient to successful relationships.  Learn to forgive quickly. 
An apology often goes a long way! 

1. Unending.  Make a commitment to NEVER give up.  No problem is too big for a couple working as a team.  No “want” of yours is worth the crumbling of the relationships in your life.

If you are determined to succeed, you will not fail! 
Keep the love alive!
Keep the commitment to each other alive!
Keep the vision to succeed alive!

If your family needs change, you change first.

“Used with permission by Blending A Family Ministry. Copyright (c) 2009 Blending A Family Ministry. www.blendingafamily.com . All rights reserved.”