Building a House – Building a Family By Moe Becnel
Paige and I moved into our new home on January 27, 2006. It was the fulfillment of a dream that Paige had to build her own house. We purchased the land 6 years ago, and began to draw our own floor-plan. We did not want our house to look like so many “builder-model” homes in our area.
The Building Process
As we selected a contractor and began construction, I quickly became aware that the contractor did not have the vision we had. Nor did he have the passion for detail that we wanted in our home.
So I had to be at the job-site at least every other day to make sure the sub-contractors knew what we wanted, to make changes, so that the home was being built as we had designed and envisioned.
(Sometimes you can only put so much detail on paper. The rest of the intricate detail is in your mind, and you have to communicate that to the sub-contractors in a VERY timely manner. Often a day late is too late without costly modifications.)
When the house was complete, it had a few minor flaws, but only Paige and I know them. The house is beautiful – just what we wanted. It actually came out nicer than we had envisioned.
Similar to Building Families
I thought about how building our dream home compared to building our new blended family almost 17 years ago. Here are some thoughts I had:
The Becnel’s did not start out with a set of plans. We assumed we would get married, and all would be well. After all, our children got along great with us and each other when we were dating and engaged. So we were blind-sided with issues that we did not know how to handle.
We had a contractor – so we thought. We both served the Lord, and were following Him – so we thought. We knew through confirmations that God had brought us together. So we were delusional in thinking that things would just work out. We had missed much planning, needed critical changes, and new knowledge.
We needed to supervise. We needed to become more aware of the real reasons for the circumstances that were unfolding in our lives - and in our children. We failed sadly in this area for the first few years. Lack of planning and understanding caused us to respond to each other based on emotions rather than out of compassion.
We needed to construct. There were areas in our lives that we could not get a “sub-contractor” to fix. I needed a heart transplant, and needed to submit myself to God’s leading - to change my view and my attitude toward my wife and family. Paige had to do the same thing.
After seven long months of dealing with many sub-contractors during the construction of our house (some very good ones who took pride in their work, and some who only wanted to get paid), I can tell you that building this house was EASY --- compared to blending our family.
The main reason for that difference is that a house is built of sticks and mortar. We did not have to build life-long relationships with the sub-contractors.
In contrast, a family is built from the heart – one relationship at a time. It requires a life-long investment of the heart --- each heart --- your heart.
Our Family Today
After 17 years of marriage, we have a beautiful home – and an awesome family!
Here are comments about our family (the Becnel family) from each of our five children: Melanie (34 years old in 2006) – “To Mom, Dad, Jordan, Kristen, Nicole, Brad, Kristen, Charles and Jessica - I love our family! Although we don't get to see each other often since we're so spread out over the States, when we do, it seems no time has passed, and we just pick right up where we left off. I love that all my siblings (and parents) are Godly inspirations to me. We are so blessed to have a family that loves each other unconditionally despite our imperfections. We are closer than most nuclear families that I know!”
Nicole (27 years old in 2006) – “I could not imagine my life without Dad (Moe), Melanie, Jordan, and Jessica in it.”
Jordan (24 years old in 2006) – I would definitely say that our family is truly what God would say a family is by His word. Now we are not close to being ‘the cleavers.’ I am saying that without God we would be like every other ‘blended family.’ He is the one true reason we are the way we are.
I know that if something would ever happen to anyone, no matter if step or half or whatever, I know we would all come together and hold each other up.”
Kristen (22 years old in 2006) – “My family is everything to me. My family is two dads, two moms, 3 sisters, 1 brother, 2 brother-in-laws, 1 sister-in-law and 4 nieces. I love them all equally because in my life they have all played an equal part. I cannot imagine my life without any of them. It wouldn't be complete.”
Jessica (19 years old in 2006) – “I think our family has become a whole. We have grown into each other's lives...we function as one. The love and support from each and every one of us shines when we are together.”
You Can, Too
Your family can and will come together when you apply God’s principles to your family.
Continue to give your family the attention, affection, and compassion each family member deserves.
Allow God to speak to your heart about each family member, and how you can make a positive impact on them.
Be willing to change your attitude.
“DO” what God speaks to you. God’s Word (whether written in the Bible, or spoken to your heart) is SACRED – not a suggestion. Treat it as such!
THEN, as you follow His leading, you can expect God to show up and BREATHE His breath on your lives. He can and will bring life to every dry area in your life and in your family!
Families are BUILT – one relationship at a time!
“Used with permission by Blending A Family Ministry. Copyright (c) 2009 Blending A Family Ministry. www.blendingafamily.com . All rights reserved.”
